Live the present and trust yourself.
Jorge Bicho · 09.10.2017
"My life was full of misfortunes, many of which never happened"
• Do we distrust our capabilities or do we doubt our success?
• Do we bestir ourselves, demean and put our expectations too low so that we stay where we are?
• Do we put traverses on the wheels, and do not move because we are afraid?
• How can we get out of these behaviours?
We use phrases such as "I do not think my level of English is enough," or "I do not have much experience in some financial areas" and others where we depreciate clearly may lead us to ask what we really want or not and what message to our interlocutors.
The process that occurs in this boycott operation is as simple as the contradiction between the fear of certain things and the desire to possess them. Usually it is a fear of change, toward something that seems better, but being unknown, it needs more energy because it involves making decisions and being responsible for them. So, we try to thwart this possible path to success. We all suffer from this "syndrome" and we only have to be careful not to "catch" ourselves, but in some people, it becomes part of their habitual behaviour, manifesting itself as a pattern.
Richard Friedman, a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, says that "of all human psychology, self-destructive behaviour is one of the most mysterious and difficult to change." Certainly, we can recognize phrases around us like "I'm really unlucky" or "Because these things just happen to me."
There are other cases where the boycott is generated from fantasy. There is a classic Coaching distinction that deals with the difference between Dream and Vision. Although dreams are needed, as we expand our expectations of being better or living in good condition, if we do not get a vision, in this case it is very likely that it is a pure fantasy.
To convert a dream into a vision means to take action to achieve what we have set ourselves. "Dreaming can be very pleasurable, but it does not imply putting into action the actions necessary to achieve what we dream. Dreaming requires no commitment. " We dream and at the same time give a lot of explanations that serve to justify us and not move a finger to achieve what we dream. And how can we overcome this impulse not to strain ourselves and put traverses on the wheels in order not to achieve what we want? Taking more questions from clinical intervention, these mechanisms are within us and so we must train ourselves to be able to perceive them when they happen using tools that help us, such as:
• Work on self-esteem to reduce demands. In many situations, we tend to devalue ourselves because we set ourselves goals and goals so high that we can almost imagine the difficulty of fulfilling them. The truth is that the war against the ego is impossible to win, and there will always be reasons or judgments to justify it, and so we must learn to negotiate. If our ego tells us "you cannot," we have to accept it, but emphasizing the fact that we will be able to accomplish many other things. Because one of the best ways to boycott ourselves is to try impossible tasks.
• Putting ourselves in other shoes: it is important to develop other visions to look at the world, to leave our space and to question what we want. It is very difficult for everything to be bad in all situations of life. What can happen is that some look at their existence from the negativity, see the glass half empty and in this way amplify the expectations that are not fulfilled and the reality seems catastrophic and miserable. It is good that we look at our list of "guilt’s" dedramatizes them, regaining the self-confidence that we need to be able to live with our emotions. The other option is to live in the realm of anxiety, anger, aggression and guilt. Also in our language, we can realize that the "always, never, all or nothing" compresses us, and therefore it is worth replacing the determinism of "I am" with "I am" or "I am".
We must consider that the movement could only be demonstrated - walking. Let's act without the old excuses or negative judgments about ourselves exploring other paths, other looks, performing new actions to achieve our goals. Only by risking is success achieved. Who stays in the world of certainties, does not reach where the heart wants to go. The uncertainty is always at the beginning of the path and the doubts are then dissipated. If you boycott yourself, you do not offer to you, the opportunity to live.
Live the present and trust in yourself.
Adapted from a text of Luis Llorente
CENTRO DE ESTUDIOS DEL COACHING